An ode to Janet Draffin

“Well, the first days are the hardest days, don’t you worry anymore,” the Grateful Dead sing in “Uncle John’s Band.” 

The family and friends of Janet Morrissey Draffin, who passed on March 24, still feel the pain of those words. Those who loved and mourn Janet also remember the earnestness of her heart.

Recently, to celebrate her life, Janet’s husband, Bob, children, Billy and Mary, and friends from the Auwaerter, Brand, Fricke and Morgo families, as well as others, installed a beautiful marble bench at Bayport Commons Park on Middle Road in Janet’s memory. 

Janet’s mantra was “It’s a beautiful thing,” which was her way of acknowledging the great feats communities are capable of when we come together.  Naturally, Janet’s mantra was engraved on her bench, a gesture which in itself is beautiful.  

To continue to extend Janet’s legacy, the Friends of Janet Draffin has been formed. Like Janet’s bench, we will fund scholarships to deserving Bayport-Blue Point students and fund important community beautification projects. 

All are welcome to contribute through this link:  Fundraiser by Friends of Janet Draffin : Keep Janet’s Spirit Alive: Donate Today (gofundme.com)

Janet had a lot of friends, including the Auwaerter, Brand, Fricke and Morgo families, and so many others. Yet, the list of her friends never stopped growing. Her standard of friendship also seemed inspired by the lyrics of “Uncle John’s Band.” 

“Woah-oh, [all] I want to know, is are you kind?”  Janet was that direct and earnest.  If you were kind, Janet would be your friend. 

Her friends were inspired by a life spent fighting for the little guy. Never a fighter for the sake of impressing others, Janet stood up to serve and advocate for the people and places she loved. She fought for her younger siblings. She fought for her small town, Bayport. 

She also led the Bayport Civic from the back, for example, while her husband, Bob, led it from the front for over 20 years. Janet fought for the future by teaching kids how to engage in public life by creating and running the Bayport Junior Civic for 10 years. Janet even fought for the little guy at work. She was the unit president for the Suffolk’s Association of Municipal Employees (AME), which is actually the county’s biggest union. 

Janet served the county’s underpaid and sometimes unappreciated civil servants with utter fidelity. She met her husband, Bob, in fact, when the two sat across the table from each other. Janet fought for better contracts as the AME’s negotiating chair. She even lobbied for her people as the AME’s legislative liaison. 

Janet’s brother shared a childhood story at her funeral that illustrates her essential character. The oldest of a large Irish family, like a lot of us Irish, Janet’s parents regularly overcooked their steak dinners. Those steaks were hard enough to break teeth. 

As the oldest, Janet embraced many parental responsibilities due to her being the oldest and because of family dynamics. Janet (and probably all the kids) were done with well-done steaks. Why ruin a delicious meal? Janet wasn’t having it. She drove her fork through the steak… and through plate!  Shards of the plate went flying! Better shards of plate than the cracked teeth of her little brothers and sisters, Janet no doubt reasoned.

That story says a great deal about Janet. Janet and Bob Draffin have been civic mentors to the founders of both the Sayville and Blue Point civic associations. Together, Janet and Bob served and led the Bayport Civic for over 20 years. Together, they personify what it means to be faithful public servants. 

Yet, Bob regularly points out he’s not a leader or public servant. Bob points out “we” are, meaning him and Janet. Since the time of the burnt steak, Janet has always had a quality we need more of today. Conviction. And when we think about how her actions brought those beliefs to life, Janet showed us what integrity looks like.

The creation of the Bayport Civic makes this point plain. The Draffin’s live near the Bayport Aerodrome, the quaint host to all the historic airplanes and biplanes that make our local culture so special. 

Since Janet’s funeral, each time a plane passes overhead, it’s hard for us not to think of Janet and Bob. Few grass fields like it still exist in America. Bob and Janet were crestfallen when they learned the aerodrome was being bulldozed for condominiums. Bob was upset and thought it simply was not right. Janet? She wouldn’t let it stand. When Bob said, “We should do something,” Janet replied, “Not we should, Bob. We are doing something.” 

That’s when Janet and Bob created the Bayport Civic. Most civics are created to oppose something. Not the Bayport Civic. The Bayport Civic was created to protect and preserve a part of our local history we love. That has made all the difference. 

Now, in Janet’s memory, the Bayport Junior Civic is being recast as the Bayport-Blue Point Junior Civic. Their formation realizes the vision guiding the Bayport-Blue Point area for so long: two towns, one community.

“Like the morning sun you come and like the wind you go. Ain’t no time to hate, barely time to wait,” the Dead continue in “Uncle John’s Band.” “Woah-oh, what I want to know, where does the time go?” 

Janet’s time went to serving so many others. Beyond her siblings and the two great kids she and Bob raised, Billy and Mary, Janet was a civic giant.  She actively contributed to the Sayville Yacht Club and served as the PTA president for Sylvan Avenue and on the Bayport-Blue Point (BBP) PTA District Council.  Janet was also a longtime, active member of the BBP Chamber of Commerce. 

It was fitting that such a beautiful person served as the chamber’s chair of their Beautification Committee. The Sayville Rotary occupied a very special place in her heart as well.  Rotary’s motto, “Service Above Self,” resonated with Janet on a deep level—so much so that she served as Rotary secretary and the immediate past vice president. She was recognized, in fact, as a Rotary Sustaining Member and was named the Paul Harris Fellow many times.

More than anything, Janet Draffin lived to bring joy, togetherness, and unity to her community. All she wanted was for people to come together.  Life was about community to Janet. That is why Janet’s favorite song, as her brother explained at the funeral, is the Grateful Dead’s “Uncle John’s band.” It’s why the song is prominent here. The song is about camaraderie, togetherness and community. The song was about Janet.

It is fitting, then, to conclude this tribute in memory of Janet Morrissey Draffin. 

“Come hear Uncle John’s Band playing to the tide.  Come on along, or go alone, he’s come to take his children home.” 

We miss you, Janet.  Your memory will live on forever!